Chicago

For a man used to the feel of Kansas City, I feel at home in Chicago. Kansas City has the air of a small town. Even with half a million residents, there remains the idea that it is a forgotten spot of the country. There is something to be said about Kansas City in any history of professional sports, barbeque, jazz, crime, or Ernest Hemingway, yet it has the same prominence as backwoods appalachia or West Texas in the national psyche. Kansas City is a forgotten city in many ways and every Kansas Citian knows that no matter to what degree they admit it.

Chicago, on the other hand, is a big city. It does not really retain the same vigor of the Chicago that Carl Sandburg wrote about, but it is still an important city with a lot of soul. It is a city that makes a person feel more empowered and it is a city that can make a person feel larger, even though they live here with millions of others. I think the reason is that things can happen much quicker in this city. In Kansas City, things need to be brought together. People need to be brought out. The forces of nature seem to work against the person starting anything special, whether that is a garage rock band or the Kansas City Chiefs. In Chicago, everything is ready to happen.

In the movie "Manhattan" which Woody Allen wrote, directed, and starred in, people say that the city felt like another star in the movie, and that will be a theme with Chicago in this blog. Chicago will always feel like a tangible and indefinable force to me. I could never really explain the whole feeling I get here through words, especially in trite sayings like "The City of Broad Shoulders" or "The Windy City". I have to form a dialectic about my feelings here, which I will hopefully develop in this blog. And though my love for Chicago will never equal Woody Allen's love for New York, I still feel able to say about this city that I "romanticize it all out of proportion."

Now to rewind back to when I first moved in to Moody Bible Institute, and I was petrified by Chicago. I lived in a world-class city but I buried myself in my room. As terrible as it feels to admit this happened, it was a normal reaction. Big places are frightening, and there are no two ways about that. Plus, I had this dirt poor view of what it looked like to really be involved in the city. At the time, I felt cultured by going to Starbucks and seeing a homeless person. What is worse, there are people all over Moody who never grew out of that stage or never grew out of it completely. There are people at this school who are outgoing enough and interesting enough to have a great time here, but they have locked themselves into this school.

I am the chaplain for the class of 2014, so when we have class chapel every semester, I get to pick who speaks. In both instances so far, I have picked myself. The first message was forgettable, but in my last go at it, which was a few weeks back, I talked about how the class of 2014 needs to be a class that is all over Chicago. We need to see this city of millions as an opportunity to love people and feel love from people of all different walks of life. We need to be feel obliged to serve the city but also unbelievably rewarded by it. I challenged everyone to think of a way that they could be more involved in any way that they could reach out, and I did not even specify whether it had to be big or small, hoping that people would use some imagination, but mostly it fell on deaf ears. Some people even complained that the class council was not giving us a clear view of what our class should do. I thought I was clear enough, but if it needs to be said again, then I can repeat it: Our class and our school needs to put down roots in the city.

I remember some of the nights I had first semester. Burrowed inside of my room at my desk, watching Hulu or reading a book. I would stay up late into the night with only myself in the little light from my lamp or computer. The darkness in that room would feel crushing on me as I lived completely for myself even as I learned about theology and the God of creation. There is this long road replete with many of those nights that will eventually lead to a person losing grasp on why they ever entered college. Some people at school have spent too many long nights coccooned in these tiny rooms, being content with fabrications of what really goes on all over Chicago.

This year I am trying to move myself outwards. I am trying to explore more space in Chicago. I am getting continually more involved at my church. I am continually more invested with weekly homeless ministry. I am attempting to find a job (God willing). And I am hoping to find more good times in Chicago. And none of that is to try and draw attention to what I want to do. That is just to say: God help me if I don't do those things.