My stats on blogger show that my readership in Russia... exists.
So if you are reading this from Russia please comment.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Reluctantly Conservative
I am halfway through a book about 20th Century Theology. It is an overview of the scholarly movements there have been in theology over the last 150 years. The point in reading it is to gain a cursory knowledge of all these different movements and better understand where different movements and figures stand in context. The first half included all of the people that I wanted to read about. I already had an appreciation for Barth and Brunner who are both very concerned with the Bible and orthodoxy. I had been told before that Ritschl, Bultmann, and Tillich were either heretics, atheists, or deists, but I really didn't know much about them.
I assumed that people were over emphasizing the problems with some of these theologies. All of the "heretics" listed above started with an idea. Ritschl wanted to formulate a theology that showed God as revealed in every culture (as though God could not do that on His own). Bultmann wanted to apply existential forms to the Bible and reconcile the "myths" of the Bible with the modern scientific view. And Tillich wanted to make his theology an apologetic for the faith by formulating theological answers on the terms of their philosophical questions. The only reason I am giving these reductionist summaries of their views is to show what can be plainly seen: These men are geniuses who committed to a theory and carrying that theory to its logical conclusion.
My theological background is more grounded in Luther, Calvin, and Lewis: Men that are totally okay with the historic, biblical answers to theological questions. I have built onto this foundation with the thoughts of Barth, Brunner, and Kierkegaard.
What this new reading has shown me is that I have found the creative reaches of my theology. For the first time, I've read up on new theologies and had to completely disagree. I can appreciate that these were expressions of the Christian faith that sprung out of specific cultural and historic contexts, but I have to call a spade a spade as well. If a theology does not center itself on the incarnation, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it is not right, and it is hardly Christian. Bultmann seems to retain a bit of this (only a bit), while Tillich discards Christ, and Ritschl only pays Him lip service.
Honestly, I wanted to read this book and find eye-opening new ways to view theology. Fresh, underrated theologies that could continue to brighten my views of God. It has only succeeded in showing me where incorrect beliefs have cropped up and how they did. Overall, I hate that I have to settle with the mainstream theologians, though I suppose they are mainstream for a reason: They celebrate a faith that centers itself on Christ, the Spirit, and the Word. They use all of these thing to bring themselves closer (though only in small increments) to an understanding of God.
Christianity is a religion where these long philosophical systems will never be able to work. The only way to truly reach God is in humility and through the example of only one man: Jesus Christ. The best possible thing we can do with this knowledge is to proclaim it in our words and lives. All of the theology is really interesting, but it cannot pull us off the vitally important truths that redeemed us in the first place. Or as Paul said it, "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ" (Col. 2:8).
Dr. Litfin said in my Christianity in Western Culture class last week that it is not a theologian's job to create something new, but to find new ways to repeat the old... Well then theology sounds boring compared to working for the Kingdom of God.
-Sam
I assumed that people were over emphasizing the problems with some of these theologies. All of the "heretics" listed above started with an idea. Ritschl wanted to formulate a theology that showed God as revealed in every culture (as though God could not do that on His own). Bultmann wanted to apply existential forms to the Bible and reconcile the "myths" of the Bible with the modern scientific view. And Tillich wanted to make his theology an apologetic for the faith by formulating theological answers on the terms of their philosophical questions. The only reason I am giving these reductionist summaries of their views is to show what can be plainly seen: These men are geniuses who committed to a theory and carrying that theory to its logical conclusion.
My theological background is more grounded in Luther, Calvin, and Lewis: Men that are totally okay with the historic, biblical answers to theological questions. I have built onto this foundation with the thoughts of Barth, Brunner, and Kierkegaard.
What this new reading has shown me is that I have found the creative reaches of my theology. For the first time, I've read up on new theologies and had to completely disagree. I can appreciate that these were expressions of the Christian faith that sprung out of specific cultural and historic contexts, but I have to call a spade a spade as well. If a theology does not center itself on the incarnation, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it is not right, and it is hardly Christian. Bultmann seems to retain a bit of this (only a bit), while Tillich discards Christ, and Ritschl only pays Him lip service.
Honestly, I wanted to read this book and find eye-opening new ways to view theology. Fresh, underrated theologies that could continue to brighten my views of God. It has only succeeded in showing me where incorrect beliefs have cropped up and how they did. Overall, I hate that I have to settle with the mainstream theologians, though I suppose they are mainstream for a reason: They celebrate a faith that centers itself on Christ, the Spirit, and the Word. They use all of these thing to bring themselves closer (though only in small increments) to an understanding of God.
Christianity is a religion where these long philosophical systems will never be able to work. The only way to truly reach God is in humility and through the example of only one man: Jesus Christ. The best possible thing we can do with this knowledge is to proclaim it in our words and lives. All of the theology is really interesting, but it cannot pull us off the vitally important truths that redeemed us in the first place. Or as Paul said it, "See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ" (Col. 2:8).
Dr. Litfin said in my Christianity in Western Culture class last week that it is not a theologian's job to create something new, but to find new ways to repeat the old... Well then theology sounds boring compared to working for the Kingdom of God.
-Sam
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Farewell, Facebook
Jess and Craig deleted their Facebooks near the end of this Summer. I was slightly peeved, because I have always gotten annoyed with people retracting from Facebook only to be different in some capacity,but alas, I have finally seen the error of my ways. They are right. I must be leaving Facebook.
The short and totally uninteresting reason is that I want to have more time. I am not the person that spends even an hour a day on Facebook, but if I add up all of the time I spend on Facebook it is still formidable. I can get lost staring at it, when I could be studying, reading, or anything else. I waste time on twitter as well, but most of that time is on the El or the elevator. I look through the Royals tweets, see what HipsterMermaid has said and connect with friends. With that I feel like I'm interacting with people. I'm on Google+ currently, but I spend no time on it. At present, it is just an extension of my Gmail account. I only say these things though to get people off my back about my other internet usage and to explain how I'm not a hypocrite. I will become a much more effective human being post-Facebook. If the other sites start to distract me, then I will delete them to. At present, they are still innocent fun. Not to mention, there are many obvious differences between a twitter, a blog and Facebook.
The other loftier reason is wrapped up in the reason that I also had reservations for deleting my Facebook. I though that in deleting my Facebook I would be losing a lot of positive things. I would no longer have 1,251 pictures, instant connection to 740 people, or a way of chatting with the ten people I care to chat with. I was losing this extension of myself. I do not only exist on the internet, but I have invested a lot of me into the internet. I will be sad to lose the things I listed, but I will not be destroyed. I was telling Jess that when I delete my Facebook, I will have a much more concrete existence. My life will cease to hinge on whether a person in every country can pull up my life summary. I do not exist any less because my friends from high school cannot fully follow my life. I do not exist any less because all of those pictures are lost. My other uses of the internet, this blog and twitter, don't depend so much on my past. They are completely wrapped up in my present.
Now when I walk down the street in Chicago, all of me is walking down the street. I can pull out my phone and tweet. I can stop off in Starbucks and post a quick blog. But when I walk by a person, they aren't my friend unless they come talk to me. There is no extension of me that a person thousands of miles away can look at.
One of the sadder points of losing Facebook is the sheer amount of time I have put into that site. It is odd to get sentimental about it, but I will be. I was telling my roommate Eli last night this realization: I have done very few things in my life as long as I have done Facebook. My tagged picture was posted on June 23 2006. That means that I have been on Facebook five years and four months. A ton of crap has happened in that time. Some of the first pictures I have on Facebook are from my first Homecoming. Facebook must have all of my past relationship statuses on record. There are hundreds of pictures of me playing bass in rowdy bands. There are a lot of good conversations and classic statuses I've made. Being sentimental about those things is entirely pathetic, but I loved all of it. I'm putting a chapter of my life to rest. There are very few things that I've done for longer than five years.
And tomorrow, I delete my Facebook.
-Sam
The short and totally uninteresting reason is that I want to have more time. I am not the person that spends even an hour a day on Facebook, but if I add up all of the time I spend on Facebook it is still formidable. I can get lost staring at it, when I could be studying, reading, or anything else. I waste time on twitter as well, but most of that time is on the El or the elevator. I look through the Royals tweets, see what HipsterMermaid has said and connect with friends. With that I feel like I'm interacting with people. I'm on Google+ currently, but I spend no time on it. At present, it is just an extension of my Gmail account. I only say these things though to get people off my back about my other internet usage and to explain how I'm not a hypocrite. I will become a much more effective human being post-Facebook. If the other sites start to distract me, then I will delete them to. At present, they are still innocent fun. Not to mention, there are many obvious differences between a twitter, a blog and Facebook.
The other loftier reason is wrapped up in the reason that I also had reservations for deleting my Facebook. I though that in deleting my Facebook I would be losing a lot of positive things. I would no longer have 1,251 pictures, instant connection to 740 people, or a way of chatting with the ten people I care to chat with. I was losing this extension of myself. I do not only exist on the internet, but I have invested a lot of me into the internet. I will be sad to lose the things I listed, but I will not be destroyed. I was telling Jess that when I delete my Facebook, I will have a much more concrete existence. My life will cease to hinge on whether a person in every country can pull up my life summary. I do not exist any less because my friends from high school cannot fully follow my life. I do not exist any less because all of those pictures are lost. My other uses of the internet, this blog and twitter, don't depend so much on my past. They are completely wrapped up in my present.
Now when I walk down the street in Chicago, all of me is walking down the street. I can pull out my phone and tweet. I can stop off in Starbucks and post a quick blog. But when I walk by a person, they aren't my friend unless they come talk to me. There is no extension of me that a person thousands of miles away can look at.
One of the sadder points of losing Facebook is the sheer amount of time I have put into that site. It is odd to get sentimental about it, but I will be. I was telling my roommate Eli last night this realization: I have done very few things in my life as long as I have done Facebook. My tagged picture was posted on June 23 2006. That means that I have been on Facebook five years and four months. A ton of crap has happened in that time. Some of the first pictures I have on Facebook are from my first Homecoming. Facebook must have all of my past relationship statuses on record. There are hundreds of pictures of me playing bass in rowdy bands. There are a lot of good conversations and classic statuses I've made. Being sentimental about those things is entirely pathetic, but I loved all of it. I'm putting a chapter of my life to rest. There are very few things that I've done for longer than five years.
And tomorrow, I delete my Facebook.
-Sam
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Power of Prayer
I wish I had some great story to justify those words as my title. The fact is, I finished reading a book called The Power of Prayer by RA Torrey, and I wanted to tell people about it as well as recommend it.
RA Torrey was the second president at Moody. Our auditorium is named after him and some guy named Gray (or maybe Grey). It was neat to learn about the sort of prayer warrior that he was. He wrote one heck of a book as well, but really the main thing I learned about him is this: RA Torrey would hate me, and if he walked into Moody today, he would foam at the mouth. At one point in the book, he gets completely off subject and talks for half a chapter about the sins of going to the theatre, going to movies, dancing, and playing cards. I've seen all four of those things take place on this campus in the last year... Perhaps even in the last week.
I won't hold that against him too much. The point of his getting off topic in that way was to talk about obstacles to a good prayer life. People forget that the Bible's promise for answered prayers often hinge on the persons devotion to Christ, His words, and His commandments. Some promises from the Bible people often cite about how God answers any prayer, really refer to how God will answer the prayer of righteous men. In fact, the longest chapter of the book was called "Hindrances to Prayer". It was like being punched in the gut in some ways, because Torrey brought out truths about prayer that many forget. We would rather write our shortcomings in prayer off as "prayers aren't answered in the same way anymore" rather than point to our own sin as a reason for ineffective prayer.
Past that, Torrey gives many guidelines for good praying. I just wrote them out, then I was like, "Nah, they're gonna need to read it. I can't explain it well enough."
One of the most amazing features of the book was just Torrey's heart for prayer. He talked about staying up all night at one time to pray for his brother's salvation. It made me wonder if I could do that. It made me wonder if I could be focused enough. Really some things Torrey said might be discredited as "charismatic" by many professors and students at Moody. That is only because so few of us see that real heart for prayer anymore.
At one point last year, I started to get more serious about my prayer, because I had been doing such a dirt poor job up until that point. I feel like it is something that God is being forced to cultivate in me and I continue to pray for a better prayer life. It was a tough book to read, because it felt odd reading more than one chapter at a time. Like at a every point, I needed to chuck the book and start praying. It is a hard thing to communicate in a boring blog entry, but the book taught me about the importance of prayer and why my prayer life had tons of untapped potential. In the book he would talked about prayer as the most important endeavor in life, and I don't treat it like that. That's a problem.
Anyways... Read it.
I'm starting to proof-read these less and less.
-Sam
RA Torrey was the second president at Moody. Our auditorium is named after him and some guy named Gray (or maybe Grey). It was neat to learn about the sort of prayer warrior that he was. He wrote one heck of a book as well, but really the main thing I learned about him is this: RA Torrey would hate me, and if he walked into Moody today, he would foam at the mouth. At one point in the book, he gets completely off subject and talks for half a chapter about the sins of going to the theatre, going to movies, dancing, and playing cards. I've seen all four of those things take place on this campus in the last year... Perhaps even in the last week.
I won't hold that against him too much. The point of his getting off topic in that way was to talk about obstacles to a good prayer life. People forget that the Bible's promise for answered prayers often hinge on the persons devotion to Christ, His words, and His commandments. Some promises from the Bible people often cite about how God answers any prayer, really refer to how God will answer the prayer of righteous men. In fact, the longest chapter of the book was called "Hindrances to Prayer". It was like being punched in the gut in some ways, because Torrey brought out truths about prayer that many forget. We would rather write our shortcomings in prayer off as "prayers aren't answered in the same way anymore" rather than point to our own sin as a reason for ineffective prayer.
Past that, Torrey gives many guidelines for good praying. I just wrote them out, then I was like, "Nah, they're gonna need to read it. I can't explain it well enough."
One of the most amazing features of the book was just Torrey's heart for prayer. He talked about staying up all night at one time to pray for his brother's salvation. It made me wonder if I could do that. It made me wonder if I could be focused enough. Really some things Torrey said might be discredited as "charismatic" by many professors and students at Moody. That is only because so few of us see that real heart for prayer anymore.
At one point last year, I started to get more serious about my prayer, because I had been doing such a dirt poor job up until that point. I feel like it is something that God is being forced to cultivate in me and I continue to pray for a better prayer life. It was a tough book to read, because it felt odd reading more than one chapter at a time. Like at a every point, I needed to chuck the book and start praying. It is a hard thing to communicate in a boring blog entry, but the book taught me about the importance of prayer and why my prayer life had tons of untapped potential. In the book he would talked about prayer as the most important endeavor in life, and I don't treat it like that. That's a problem.
Anyways... Read it.
I'm starting to proof-read these less and less.
-Sam
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Two Places I Wanted to be
My two signs that this will be a fine year came on consecutive days this weekend.
The first took place on Friday night. I had planned all week to go see the movie Fiddler on the Roof on campus, but a few hours before my friend Jess decided that we should go see improv instead. Up to that point, I thought we had all agreed to spend a quiet evening on campus watching Jewish people sing about tradition (TRAAADITIOOON!). Instead we ended up seeing long form Shakespearean improv which was mind blowingly good. Afterwards we went looking for a good meal. We literally searched for it, getting off the Brown Line at the Belmont stop which we do not know very well.
We eventually found a place called Clark Street Hot Dog's or something like that. The Chicago-style dogs were pretty good, but the best part was sitting in this cruddy looking dining area with Jess, Craig, and Eli (the only people that follow this blog in the most technical sense). We were in a booth, and we just sat and talked. It was really nothing special. We did not end up having some state of the friendship talk, but we enjoyed ourselves and laughed about life and all that stuff. I had this realization that these were the friends that I needed at school. Friends that I could struggle along with in my faith. Friends that I can always have good talks with. Friends that I might be able to have for a long time.
We hung out at the end of last year, but we there we were a month into this year. Already established.
The following night, New Life Lincoln Park had its fall ministry kick-off in gym at church. I really did not know what to expect going into the meeting. I did not expect the surprisingly pervasive football theme, but that is neither here nor there..
The meeting started with everyone eating and Pastor Rick thanking everyone who had been involved in all of their different ministries. It changed gears when Bobby Moss stood up. First, he showed us, most of us for the first time, the new goals for the broader New Life church. For those who don't know, New Life is a network churches in the Chicago area. There are currently 14 campuses and I go the Lincoln Park branch. One of the new goals is to create 40 new churches before 2020. At that news, my jaw literally dropped. It took the church 25 years to create the 14 campuses, so the new idea of making 40 new churches (at a responsible rate) in less than half that time. And the emergence of that idea changed the whole complexion of the meeting. It reminded us that we do not go to some church where we will just be able to attend. New Life was calling all of the churches to aggressively dream, and for every member to help in their mission of spreading Christ. To make this kind of dream happen, they need every person to do their part.
That meeting showed me how great of a church I go to. With the rest of the time, we talked about being more active in Lincoln Park, being more active at Depaul, growing, stabilizing, enriching the spiritual life our congregation, and being able to spawn our own sister church with our own resources. The best thing is that we are not going to let these ideas die with one night of optimistic brainstorming. It is all very possible. It will take more people stepping out, more prayer, and plenty of patience, but I will not take some crazy new way of doing church, we just have to stay faithful.
Things combined made a pretty great weekend. If the job interview that I had Saturday also comes through, then I might be able to look back on it as on of the most important weekends of my life. If not though, it will still rank pretty high.
-Sam
The first took place on Friday night. I had planned all week to go see the movie Fiddler on the Roof on campus, but a few hours before my friend Jess decided that we should go see improv instead. Up to that point, I thought we had all agreed to spend a quiet evening on campus watching Jewish people sing about tradition (TRAAADITIOOON!). Instead we ended up seeing long form Shakespearean improv which was mind blowingly good. Afterwards we went looking for a good meal. We literally searched for it, getting off the Brown Line at the Belmont stop which we do not know very well.
We eventually found a place called Clark Street Hot Dog's or something like that. The Chicago-style dogs were pretty good, but the best part was sitting in this cruddy looking dining area with Jess, Craig, and Eli (the only people that follow this blog in the most technical sense). We were in a booth, and we just sat and talked. It was really nothing special. We did not end up having some state of the friendship talk, but we enjoyed ourselves and laughed about life and all that stuff. I had this realization that these were the friends that I needed at school. Friends that I could struggle along with in my faith. Friends that I can always have good talks with. Friends that I might be able to have for a long time.
We hung out at the end of last year, but we there we were a month into this year. Already established.
The following night, New Life Lincoln Park had its fall ministry kick-off in gym at church. I really did not know what to expect going into the meeting. I did not expect the surprisingly pervasive football theme, but that is neither here nor there..
The meeting started with everyone eating and Pastor Rick thanking everyone who had been involved in all of their different ministries. It changed gears when Bobby Moss stood up. First, he showed us, most of us for the first time, the new goals for the broader New Life church. For those who don't know, New Life is a network churches in the Chicago area. There are currently 14 campuses and I go the Lincoln Park branch. One of the new goals is to create 40 new churches before 2020. At that news, my jaw literally dropped. It took the church 25 years to create the 14 campuses, so the new idea of making 40 new churches (at a responsible rate) in less than half that time. And the emergence of that idea changed the whole complexion of the meeting. It reminded us that we do not go to some church where we will just be able to attend. New Life was calling all of the churches to aggressively dream, and for every member to help in their mission of spreading Christ. To make this kind of dream happen, they need every person to do their part.
That meeting showed me how great of a church I go to. With the rest of the time, we talked about being more active in Lincoln Park, being more active at Depaul, growing, stabilizing, enriching the spiritual life our congregation, and being able to spawn our own sister church with our own resources. The best thing is that we are not going to let these ideas die with one night of optimistic brainstorming. It is all very possible. It will take more people stepping out, more prayer, and plenty of patience, but I will not take some crazy new way of doing church, we just have to stay faithful.
Things combined made a pretty great weekend. If the job interview that I had Saturday also comes through, then I might be able to look back on it as on of the most important weekends of my life. If not though, it will still rank pretty high.
-Sam
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Chicago
For a man used to the feel of Kansas City, I feel at home in Chicago. Kansas City has the air of a small town. Even with half a million residents, there remains the idea that it is a forgotten spot of the country. There is something to be said about Kansas City in any history of professional sports, barbeque, jazz, crime, or Ernest Hemingway, yet it has the same prominence as backwoods appalachia or West Texas in the national psyche. Kansas City is a forgotten city in many ways and every Kansas Citian knows that no matter to what degree they admit it.
Chicago, on the other hand, is a big city. It does not really retain the same vigor of the Chicago that Carl Sandburg wrote about, but it is still an important city with a lot of soul. It is a city that makes a person feel more empowered and it is a city that can make a person feel larger, even though they live here with millions of others. I think the reason is that things can happen much quicker in this city. In Kansas City, things need to be brought together. People need to be brought out. The forces of nature seem to work against the person starting anything special, whether that is a garage rock band or the Kansas City Chiefs. In Chicago, everything is ready to happen.
In the movie "Manhattan" which Woody Allen wrote, directed, and starred in, people say that the city felt like another star in the movie, and that will be a theme with Chicago in this blog. Chicago will always feel like a tangible and indefinable force to me. I could never really explain the whole feeling I get here through words, especially in trite sayings like "The City of Broad Shoulders" or "The Windy City". I have to form a dialectic about my feelings here, which I will hopefully develop in this blog. And though my love for Chicago will never equal Woody Allen's love for New York, I still feel able to say about this city that I "romanticize it all out of proportion."
Now to rewind back to when I first moved in to Moody Bible Institute, and I was petrified by Chicago. I lived in a world-class city but I buried myself in my room. As terrible as it feels to admit this happened, it was a normal reaction. Big places are frightening, and there are no two ways about that. Plus, I had this dirt poor view of what it looked like to really be involved in the city. At the time, I felt cultured by going to Starbucks and seeing a homeless person. What is worse, there are people all over Moody who never grew out of that stage or never grew out of it completely. There are people at this school who are outgoing enough and interesting enough to have a great time here, but they have locked themselves into this school.
I am the chaplain for the class of 2014, so when we have class chapel every semester, I get to pick who speaks. In both instances so far, I have picked myself. The first message was forgettable, but in my last go at it, which was a few weeks back, I talked about how the class of 2014 needs to be a class that is all over Chicago. We need to see this city of millions as an opportunity to love people and feel love from people of all different walks of life. We need to be feel obliged to serve the city but also unbelievably rewarded by it. I challenged everyone to think of a way that they could be more involved in any way that they could reach out, and I did not even specify whether it had to be big or small, hoping that people would use some imagination, but mostly it fell on deaf ears. Some people even complained that the class council was not giving us a clear view of what our class should do. I thought I was clear enough, but if it needs to be said again, then I can repeat it: Our class and our school needs to put down roots in the city.
I remember some of the nights I had first semester. Burrowed inside of my room at my desk, watching Hulu or reading a book. I would stay up late into the night with only myself in the little light from my lamp or computer. The darkness in that room would feel crushing on me as I lived completely for myself even as I learned about theology and the God of creation. There is this long road replete with many of those nights that will eventually lead to a person losing grasp on why they ever entered college. Some people at school have spent too many long nights coccooned in these tiny rooms, being content with fabrications of what really goes on all over Chicago.
This year I am trying to move myself outwards. I am trying to explore more space in Chicago. I am getting continually more involved at my church. I am continually more invested with weekly homeless ministry. I am attempting to find a job (God willing). And I am hoping to find more good times in Chicago. And none of that is to try and draw attention to what I want to do. That is just to say: God help me if I don't do those things.
Chicago, on the other hand, is a big city. It does not really retain the same vigor of the Chicago that Carl Sandburg wrote about, but it is still an important city with a lot of soul. It is a city that makes a person feel more empowered and it is a city that can make a person feel larger, even though they live here with millions of others. I think the reason is that things can happen much quicker in this city. In Kansas City, things need to be brought together. People need to be brought out. The forces of nature seem to work against the person starting anything special, whether that is a garage rock band or the Kansas City Chiefs. In Chicago, everything is ready to happen.
In the movie "Manhattan" which Woody Allen wrote, directed, and starred in, people say that the city felt like another star in the movie, and that will be a theme with Chicago in this blog. Chicago will always feel like a tangible and indefinable force to me. I could never really explain the whole feeling I get here through words, especially in trite sayings like "The City of Broad Shoulders" or "The Windy City". I have to form a dialectic about my feelings here, which I will hopefully develop in this blog. And though my love for Chicago will never equal Woody Allen's love for New York, I still feel able to say about this city that I "romanticize it all out of proportion."
Now to rewind back to when I first moved in to Moody Bible Institute, and I was petrified by Chicago. I lived in a world-class city but I buried myself in my room. As terrible as it feels to admit this happened, it was a normal reaction. Big places are frightening, and there are no two ways about that. Plus, I had this dirt poor view of what it looked like to really be involved in the city. At the time, I felt cultured by going to Starbucks and seeing a homeless person. What is worse, there are people all over Moody who never grew out of that stage or never grew out of it completely. There are people at this school who are outgoing enough and interesting enough to have a great time here, but they have locked themselves into this school.
I am the chaplain for the class of 2014, so when we have class chapel every semester, I get to pick who speaks. In both instances so far, I have picked myself. The first message was forgettable, but in my last go at it, which was a few weeks back, I talked about how the class of 2014 needs to be a class that is all over Chicago. We need to see this city of millions as an opportunity to love people and feel love from people of all different walks of life. We need to be feel obliged to serve the city but also unbelievably rewarded by it. I challenged everyone to think of a way that they could be more involved in any way that they could reach out, and I did not even specify whether it had to be big or small, hoping that people would use some imagination, but mostly it fell on deaf ears. Some people even complained that the class council was not giving us a clear view of what our class should do. I thought I was clear enough, but if it needs to be said again, then I can repeat it: Our class and our school needs to put down roots in the city.
I remember some of the nights I had first semester. Burrowed inside of my room at my desk, watching Hulu or reading a book. I would stay up late into the night with only myself in the little light from my lamp or computer. The darkness in that room would feel crushing on me as I lived completely for myself even as I learned about theology and the God of creation. There is this long road replete with many of those nights that will eventually lead to a person losing grasp on why they ever entered college. Some people at school have spent too many long nights coccooned in these tiny rooms, being content with fabrications of what really goes on all over Chicago.
This year I am trying to move myself outwards. I am trying to explore more space in Chicago. I am getting continually more involved at my church. I am continually more invested with weekly homeless ministry. I am attempting to find a job (God willing). And I am hoping to find more good times in Chicago. And none of that is to try and draw attention to what I want to do. That is just to say: God help me if I don't do those things.
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Why and the What of This Blog
Lord knows what possessed me to create this blog. I am anti-blog and generally snarky when talking about blogs or associated mediums. In my eyes, a blog is where people whine about their problems and emotions for however long they care to, which is usually a tad too long. Blogspots, wordpresses, or tumblrs always made me think of people as hungry for attention, spewing useless, sentimental garbage in a bunch of trite sayings in hopes of finding satisfaction.
Yet, I now sit in front of my computer crafting my first blog post, because I cannot abandon my enjoyment for writing and writing for an audience. The root of my enjoyment reaches to my reading. William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Soren Kierkegaard, Leo Tolstoy, and Gustave Flaubert (have fun picking up all those names I dropped) among others have collectively changed my life for better and for worse. Flaubert once advised someone to "read to live." Taking this advice, I have experienced more life. The main side-effect of all these words ingested is that I have perpetually been on the edge of bursting, and the only way to avoid complete combustion is writing.
For two and a half semesters in high school, I was on the newspaper staff, where I was surrounded by words. My junior year, I had a column. The adviser let me do whatever I pleased, so I wrote 10 columns that ranged from subversive to downright meaningless. And what I sowed in annoying columns, I reaped in "Letters to the Editor", which showcased teachers, students, and, on one a occasion, a teacher's husband calling me a snide jerk with too much power (in so many words). Senior year, the column was pulled from the paper at the suggestion of the principle. A truly gorgeous experience.
In my first year of college, I attempted to write some short stories, which were enjoyable but too time consuming and draining. I gave up the lofty dream of being a prolific author by the end of my undergrad with it in mind to return to short stories after more reading, but until then I am stunted, and until then I will fall back on journaling and this blog. The journaling will consist of insane scribbles and will only be open to God, myself, and whatever poor ancestor of mine stumbles upon them after my death.
But now for an explanation of this blog.
The title of the blog comes from a saying that is constantly coming back to my mind. There's a big fuss made about "college life" but I do not get to experience that. All I have is "bible college life". It is not worse, it is just different, and it is the path I chose for a reason. My blogs will hardly give a glimpse of the normal Moody Bible Institute experience, but they will be colored by my surroundings.
The driving idea for this blog comes from the quote I have listed above from William Faulkner: "I'll never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." Slightly more dramatic than my reality, but I drink much less than Faulkner did. The idea for me is that blogging will help me organize my thoughts and my life better. Plus, there are quotes out there about how "writing makes an exact man" and that sounds pretty nice.
The content of this blog is undetermined as of yet, but I am guessing it will flow directly from my life. People who know me will certainly enjoy the reading. If people who do not know me somehow enjoy this, then I will be dumbfounded. Overall, the hope is that my writing will suffice to show my creative side, while giving a tolerable glimpse of how obnoxious I am. Here are the only things that will surely make an appearance: Creative grammar, random thoughts, quotations from great authors, long sentences which are not necessarily run on sentences, shameless pride, sweeping generalities, and digressions.
So, check back in at a later date for God knows what.
-Sam
Yet, I now sit in front of my computer crafting my first blog post, because I cannot abandon my enjoyment for writing and writing for an audience. The root of my enjoyment reaches to my reading. William Faulkner, John Steinbeck, Soren Kierkegaard, Leo Tolstoy, and Gustave Flaubert (have fun picking up all those names I dropped) among others have collectively changed my life for better and for worse. Flaubert once advised someone to "read to live." Taking this advice, I have experienced more life. The main side-effect of all these words ingested is that I have perpetually been on the edge of bursting, and the only way to avoid complete combustion is writing.
For two and a half semesters in high school, I was on the newspaper staff, where I was surrounded by words. My junior year, I had a column. The adviser let me do whatever I pleased, so I wrote 10 columns that ranged from subversive to downright meaningless. And what I sowed in annoying columns, I reaped in "Letters to the Editor", which showcased teachers, students, and, on one a occasion, a teacher's husband calling me a snide jerk with too much power (in so many words). Senior year, the column was pulled from the paper at the suggestion of the principle. A truly gorgeous experience.
In my first year of college, I attempted to write some short stories, which were enjoyable but too time consuming and draining. I gave up the lofty dream of being a prolific author by the end of my undergrad with it in mind to return to short stories after more reading, but until then I am stunted, and until then I will fall back on journaling and this blog. The journaling will consist of insane scribbles and will only be open to God, myself, and whatever poor ancestor of mine stumbles upon them after my death.
But now for an explanation of this blog.
The title of the blog comes from a saying that is constantly coming back to my mind. There's a big fuss made about "college life" but I do not get to experience that. All I have is "bible college life". It is not worse, it is just different, and it is the path I chose for a reason. My blogs will hardly give a glimpse of the normal Moody Bible Institute experience, but they will be colored by my surroundings.
The driving idea for this blog comes from the quote I have listed above from William Faulkner: "I'll never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it." Slightly more dramatic than my reality, but I drink much less than Faulkner did. The idea for me is that blogging will help me organize my thoughts and my life better. Plus, there are quotes out there about how "writing makes an exact man" and that sounds pretty nice.
The content of this blog is undetermined as of yet, but I am guessing it will flow directly from my life. People who know me will certainly enjoy the reading. If people who do not know me somehow enjoy this, then I will be dumbfounded. Overall, the hope is that my writing will suffice to show my creative side, while giving a tolerable glimpse of how obnoxious I am. Here are the only things that will surely make an appearance: Creative grammar, random thoughts, quotations from great authors, long sentences which are not necessarily run on sentences, shameless pride, sweeping generalities, and digressions.
So, check back in at a later date for God knows what.
-Sam
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